A couple weeks after I wrote about this growing following problem of mine, I got to hear (by proxy) what the director of one of the salsa dance companies around here thinks of my dancing, which pretty much exactly confirmed my suspicions (which in turn made me really happy, to know that my perception of things is fairly reflective of what at least one super-experienced lead feels from his end). Specifically, he said that I need to learn to channel my energy and that sometimes my following is disconnected, but, because I have good reflexes, I get away with it (all three of these things are exactly things that I'd been thinking myself). So this was further motivation to work on my following. But I think this is going to be a lot harder than I'd expected, and not for the reasons I'd have thought.
Tonight I had probably the most fun dancing that I've *ever* had in one night (that I can recall, anyway). Toward the beginning of the night, I was dancing with a friend of mine when he noticed my broken-ass following and tried to help me fix it. As soon as he held his hands up, palms-out and fingers splayed, and told me to place my fingertips on his, I was like "Yes! This is going to be such awesome following practice!" And it was -- he not only gave me some general feedback about specifically how my dancing insanity makes it hard for a guy to lead, but helped me practice following more responsively -- more connectedly. It was really great, and I definitely want to do more practice following like that, until it's basically second nature. But I realized, a handful of dances after I danced with him, that I'd completely forgotten about what we'd been working on and was dancing like I normally do (maybe a bit more exuberantly than usual, since I was insanely excited to be dancing after what seemed like forever since the last time...), and I was having a ridiculously fun time. And, later in the night, he asked me if I'd changed my style -- said that at some point he saw me dancing with this other dude, and it looked completely different -- really smooth, or something (as opposed to impossible-to-control-wild-creature-like). But I hadn't been doing anything other than what I normally do, and I told him something to the effect that it depends on the dude. I realized, though, specifically what it is.
I don't remember what it was like when I started, but these days I dance because I can't help it. Like, literally because I cannot contain myself. It's like... It's like I'm like a faucet, and when the music starts playing, the water starts running through the pipes. If I'm not dancing, the pressure builds up and I want to explode. If I'm dancing with someone, the way they dance and lead me sets how open the tap is. If I'm feeling particularly exuberant (or even just if the song is really good), that water is running like mad, and it has to go somewhere; if what they're doing with me allows me to express what has built up inside me, that tap is wide open and the water can flow freely, in a predictable way (i.e., straight out the tap). Sometimes how someone will lead me is very different from what my natural inclination would be in terms of moving with the music, but that movement ends up still being hugely effective means of expression for me -- still provides that same release (or sometimes even more), even though they've turned on a different tap altogether and channeled the water out a different way. On the other hand, if what they're doing with me doesn't open the tap enough, that pressure is still there, and the water starts bursting the pipes and spraying all over the place. *I* feel better, but water ends up going way more places than they expected when they opened the tap; sometimes it ends up in harmless places (if my insanity happens to not interfere or conflict with what they're trying to do as a lead), but other times it sprays all over them, and it's probably not much fun to dance all wet. :|
Here I need to clarify that it isn't in any way a matter of good versus bad leading/dancing, or anything like that -- it just comes down to compatibility in the ways we're each experiencing the music, which of course differs hugely from person to person.
But now I'm not sure what to do. Part of me (the thinking part) wants to improve as a follow, but part of me (the dancing part) just wants to enjoy dancing. There are enough leads who seem to be okay with my tendencies (and who work those taps in just the right way for me) that I can have Most Awesome Salsa Nights like the one I just had, despite my broken following. But at the same time, there are probably plenty of other leads out there who I'd have an amazing time dancing with as well, but whom I'm disinclined to ask in the first place because I don't want to spray water all over them... So I'm definitely limiting myself if I don't fix my following (or at least get over the guilty feeling, hehe).
I guess the best thing to do is just dance how I feel with people I can do that with freely (without spraying), and with others, take the opportunity to channel that extra pressure into concentrating on practicing my following.
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