Music through movement

I have no self control. It's getting to be a real problem in my dancing, I think, but I'm too afraid to ask any leads about it for fear that they'll confirm my suspicions. Instead, I am going to try to work on it under the assumption that it is indeed a problem.

In general, but especially when I haven't been dancing for a while, I can't control myself. Or, perhaps more accurately, I can't contain myself. If the music is really good, it seizes me by the feet (even if I'm almost collapsing with exhaustion), and I can't stop it. It just takes me on this ride, and I am at the mercy of the music. I haven't seen myself dance in a long time, but I am vaguely aware that my salsa continues to resemble salsa less and less the more I dance, and it's because of this. My friend told me the other day, "It looks like Danielle dancing", whatever that means. :|!

In any case, I'm not so much concerned about whether or not I look ridiculous, because it's absurdly fun (and, really, who wants to sacrifice fun for looking "good"? :P), but it's hurting my following. For the most part, I think (or hope) I follow alright despite whatever insanity the music and my feet are plotting together, but sometimes my weight happens to be momentarily on the foot opposite to the one it should be on for what the guy's trying to lead, at the exact moment that it *really* needs to be on the foot he expects (otherwise I just autocorrect as I go into the move). This is pretty rare, but happened a couple of times this weekend and kind of took me by surprise. I'm not sure how I can avoid this, short of not dancing to the rhythm I'm hearing and instead always sticking to the 1,2,3,5,6,7 (or 2,3,4,6,7,8, as the case may be), and... well, I'm not going to do that.

More common a scenario is that my body (not just my feet) is doing something with the music that's... let's say "suboptimal"... for what the guy is trying to lead. He can still lead it, but I have the sneaking suspicion that it must feel something like dancing with a wild creature that needs to be constantly reined in.

Worse is when the music makes me play with timing, but the dude either doesn't, or does something different/incompatible (timing-wise). Timing incompatibility deals Instant Death to following. :(

Beyond all this, I've become aware that, even when a dance isn't riddled with the above occurrences, I tend to dance with the music. Not my partner. Sure, my dance with the music is subject to constraints (i.e., the patterns the guy is leading), but in general the music forces itself to the forefront of my attention, and it's the main thing I'm aware of. It's incredibly difficult for me to disengage from the music -- to mentally block it out and stop listening altogether. When I do, however, I think my following improves dramatically; I can actually listen to my lead instead of him having to battle the music for control of me. It's such a different experience, listening to the guy instead of the music. I feel his movements and play off them, and it's so smooth... it's really nice. But without the music, it's like dancing in black and white instead of technicolour.

Now and then I have a dance in which I have no trouble dancing *with* my partner while still hearing the music... and it's really, really fun, having that kind of connection. Sometimes these are the rare instances of the guy feeling the music the same way I do, but I think it's more often that the guy just *exudes* the way he feels the music, so I can feel it through him and hear in the music what he's hearing. If that's the case, maybe I can remedy all of these issues not by consciously trying to contain myself (futility!), but by making a point of trying to hear the music through my partner instead of the speakers.