There are already plenty of dance-floor etiquette guides and Top 10 "Do"s and "Don't"s lists out there, but having just been asked to contribute to another one has put me in a bit of a ranting mode, and I feel like posting this here.
I generally don't turn down dances unless I'm about to literally collapse from exhaustion, but there are a few things that make me not want to dance with a guy (even if it doesn't mean I'll refuse him as a result). Things like rhythm problems and a lot of leading-related issues can get frustrating sometimes, sure, but at the same time, the only way to improve on those things is to practice, which means dancing with as many people as you can. And I've certainly had plenty of fun dancing with complete beginners, so it's really not experience-related things that bother me.
The first two things are unpleasant, but not total deal-breakers. (And since my experience comes from dancing with guys, these are about guys, but they could just as easily apply to girls.)
Smelliness is something I really don't encounter very often, but when I do, I admit I try to avoid dancing with the person. I always feel guilty about it though, especially when I'd otherwise enjoy dances with said person. At the same time, I'm also one of those people who's really sensitive to perfume-y stuff (my biggest fear at a concert is ending up next to someone wearing perfume; I can barely breath, and it really does ruin the entire thing for me x_x), so dousing oneself in cologne is also not the answer. Either way, if I find myself trying to hold my breath (or awkwardly turn my head away) half the time we're dancing, I probably won't want to dance with the guy again any time soon.
We all get sweaty while dancing (if you're not sweaty, you're not dancing hard enough!), but guys who *always* end up with their shirts literally soaking wet should consider bringing as many changes of shirt as they need to make it through the night. I know guys who go through at least three in a night -- and the girls appreciate it! If that's not feasible for whatever reason, or if you simply don't want to, fine, but then don't draw the girl into tight closed position; I sweat enough myself, and don't need my clothes getting completely soaked in one dance, just from being held up against a guy's dripping-wet shirt. That said, even that is (more or less) forgivable... but the thing that really makes me not want to dance with a guy is being dripped on while dancing. Yes, dripped *on*. As in, "Hey, is there a leak in the ceiling?" If, by the end of a dance, shaking your head "no" would shower bystanders in your sweat, you need to invest in a towel and *use it* after each dance.
Now, both of these things have nothing to do with actual dancing, and I've danced with people who I would really like dancing with if not for those issues. So even if they'd make me not want to dance with a guy as much, I don't hold it against him and, in fact, may wish he would address the issue so I could dance with him more. This, however, does not apply my last point:
For me, the biggest no-no by far is hand-squeezing. Step on my feet, crash me into people, elbow me in the face -- whatever; I may not like it, and sure it may mean you need to work on control/attention or something (I know I sure do), but at least it's just an accident. As someone who plays guitar and therefore values her fingers, if a guy won't stop squeezing my hands (or at least make an obvious, significant effort) after I ask him to, I will not dance with him again, nor will I feel guilty about it. There's never any reason to close the thumbs down on a girl's fingers (especially when turning her!), let alone keep a death-grip on her hands the whole time. One could call this an experience-related issue, but unlike those other ways in which a guy can injure a girl, this one is completely within his control, regardless of what the girl or anyone else on the floor is doing. And unlike other aspects of rough leading, this one requires no feedback from your partner in order to fix it, so there's no excuse for doing it consistently. Honestly, if all you can do while concentrating on not crushing a girl's hands is the basic step and a right-hand turn, that's all you *should* be doing until you don't need to think about it anymore. I'll take a simple dance over injured fingers any day.
The first two things are unpleasant, but not total deal-breakers. (And since my experience comes from dancing with guys, these are about guys, but they could just as easily apply to girls.)
Smelliness is something I really don't encounter very often, but when I do, I admit I try to avoid dancing with the person. I always feel guilty about it though, especially when I'd otherwise enjoy dances with said person. At the same time, I'm also one of those people who's really sensitive to perfume-y stuff (my biggest fear at a concert is ending up next to someone wearing perfume; I can barely breath, and it really does ruin the entire thing for me x_x), so dousing oneself in cologne is also not the answer. Either way, if I find myself trying to hold my breath (or awkwardly turn my head away) half the time we're dancing, I probably won't want to dance with the guy again any time soon.
We all get sweaty while dancing (if you're not sweaty, you're not dancing hard enough!), but guys who *always* end up with their shirts literally soaking wet should consider bringing as many changes of shirt as they need to make it through the night. I know guys who go through at least three in a night -- and the girls appreciate it! If that's not feasible for whatever reason, or if you simply don't want to, fine, but then don't draw the girl into tight closed position; I sweat enough myself, and don't need my clothes getting completely soaked in one dance, just from being held up against a guy's dripping-wet shirt. That said, even that is (more or less) forgivable... but the thing that really makes me not want to dance with a guy is being dripped on while dancing. Yes, dripped *on*. As in, "Hey, is there a leak in the ceiling?" If, by the end of a dance, shaking your head "no" would shower bystanders in your sweat, you need to invest in a towel and *use it* after each dance.
Now, both of these things have nothing to do with actual dancing, and I've danced with people who I would really like dancing with if not for those issues. So even if they'd make me not want to dance with a guy as much, I don't hold it against him and, in fact, may wish he would address the issue so I could dance with him more. This, however, does not apply my last point:
For me, the biggest no-no by far is hand-squeezing. Step on my feet, crash me into people, elbow me in the face -- whatever; I may not like it, and sure it may mean you need to work on control/attention or something (I know I sure do), but at least it's just an accident. As someone who plays guitar and therefore values her fingers, if a guy won't stop squeezing my hands (or at least make an obvious, significant effort) after I ask him to, I will not dance with him again, nor will I feel guilty about it. There's never any reason to close the thumbs down on a girl's fingers (especially when turning her!), let alone keep a death-grip on her hands the whole time. One could call this an experience-related issue, but unlike those other ways in which a guy can injure a girl, this one is completely within his control, regardless of what the girl or anyone else on the floor is doing. And unlike other aspects of rough leading, this one requires no feedback from your partner in order to fix it, so there's no excuse for doing it consistently. Honestly, if all you can do while concentrating on not crushing a girl's hands is the basic step and a right-hand turn, that's all you *should* be doing until you don't need to think about it anymore. I'll take a simple dance over injured fingers any day.
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